How to deal with the borderline verbal abuse of my daughter's father?

Honestly, he sounds Stressed Out and Controlling. I would try to talk to him about how you feel and if he's the kind of person who is hard to talk to, I would write everything in a letter that way you don't leave anything out. And when it comes to taking your daughter out, I would tell him, if you're not going to get up we're leaving without you.. explain to him that you're not trying to be mean, but she shouldn't be deprived of having fun because he's too tired and if he wants to come he's going to have to tuff it out! I suggest the letter because sometimes when people see a list of the things they're doing, it makes it easier for them to see how they're actually hurting the one they love... Good Luck!